Well, I am no longer able to complain about a lack of excitement in my life, or a lack of retardedness for that matter. Let’s just go ahead and put it out there that I am the worst babysitter on the planet and that if you leave your kids with me you’ll be lucky if get them back an all in-tact and functional.
Well, I was sitting on my bed with my 11 month old baby brother Jaxon, with whom I had been entrusted to take care of for the evening. He was sitting on the bed next to me playing with and of course eating everything within his reach. Inside my purse I have a plastic blue pill box with my son Andrew’s meds in it that I had just filled this morning. When I noticed Jaxon pick it up I thought to myself “he won’t get it open, and if he does, I’m sitting literally right next to him and I’ll grab it away.” Yes, I am in fact a complete idiot. Well, I must have been pretty engrossed in whatever I was doing on my laptop (I don’t even remember anymore!) because when I looked up the pill box is open and all 4 pills are gone. Well I of course go on a rampage to locate and retrieve the spilt pills. As I’m searching all across the bed, then rummaging through my big cluttered purse where I locate 2 of the 4 pills, I keep searching, starting to get nervous now. My heart rate is speeding and my mind is racing with worry. I call my dad and husband, who tell me they are moments from getting home. I locate the 3rd pill between the covers, but the fourth, the round white one, is no where to be found. I’ve looked everywhere in the general vicinity several times at this point and the panic is definitely sinking in. When the guys walk in the door, I quickly explain the situation and get them on phone with poison control. Mika from poison control very calmly informs me that the baby’s heart rate and blood pressure could rise dramatically and his heart could stop any minute. This is the point at which we flew down the stairs, into the car and rushed to the hospital.
Well you can imagine what a worthless horrible care giver I feel like at this point as we are checking him in and I have to explain all over again how I let the baby use the hazardous pill box as a rattle/chew toy. All the while, poor little Jaxon, who seemed to be feeling fine BTW, could die any second and it’s all my fault, and no one’s ever going to trust me with their kids again!
The nurse took us into a room and inspected the bottle of medication (which in my hurry I did remember to bring) and informed us that she wasn’t too worried, he’d probably just get sleepy, but to be safe she’d have us see the Doctor for a final opinion. Well, that was very positive hopeful news.
While we waited to see the Doctor I went to the vending machines to find Jaxon some comfort foods, cheetos and juice. I was rummaging through my purse for change when I again pulled out the blue pillbox with Andrew’s meds which are organized by separate compartments for each day of the week. As I inspected it, I noticed that the Wednesday compartment wasn’t empty, but that his night pill, the round white one was still there. …But I did give him his night pill… That’s when I remembered that earlier when I was giving Andrew his night pill, I tipped the pill box expecting one round white pill to roll into his hand, but along with it the three more colorful morning pills tumbled to the carpet. For some reason I must have opened Saturday’s instead of Wednesday’s compartment. Well at the time I just hurriedly picked them up (before the baby could toddle over and put one in his mouth of course) and returned them to Saturday’s compartment without much thought. Coincidentally (and unfortunately) that was the very same compartment that Jaxon somehow popped open with his drooly little mouth.
Well, when we realized, to much relief that he hadn’t eaten the pill, we checked out of the hospital (fortunately without a bill since he hadn’t seen the Dr. yet!) and took sweet little oblivious Jaxon home to bed.
In the end I guess no one and nothing was really hurt except for my self confidence, especially in my parenting ability (there goes any inclination I had to further reproduce) and probably my status as best big sister ever.
If you found this true story amusing, or just tragically entertaining, please help me make it up to Jaxon and his big sister (huge Miley fan) and my dad and step mom by awarding my unfortunate folly with the ever so coveted Stadium of Fire tickets.