CJ: Here’s the Problem(s)…
I have a problem: I have the cutest niece in the entire world. Them’s mighty strong words, but I’ve got all kinds of anecdotes, pictures, and home video to back them up. Case in point: when she was three years old, Courtney sat on my sister’s lap, patted her face, and lovingly said “Auntie, I love you very much.” My sister was overwhelmed and in an attempt to share the love, she suggested that Courtney tell me how much she loved me as well. Courtney came over to me, sat on my lap, patted my face and said “Auntie, I love you, but I have to sell you to the baker man.” Of course, once she explained her reasons it all made perfect sense; after all, our imaginary family farm wasn’t doing very well, and I was the leaner of the two Aunties and would fetch a better price in the open market. It was an obvious choice really when you think about it.
Back to the situation at hand: my problem isn’t really that I have the cutest niece in the whole world or that she adores Hannah/Miley Montanna/Cyrus. No, my real problem is that I have the TWO cutest nieces in the world with all kinds of anecdotes, pictures, and home video to back it up. Par example: Being the younger of the two sisters, Ayane quickly learned that a little attitude will go a long way. Shortly after she turned three, she decided that all of her stuffed animals needed to get shots. She meticulously administered at least one shot per animal (the number varied depending on how resistant the animals were to the idea… that poor, stubborn teddy bear…). Well, after she had run out of animals, it was now Auntie’s turn. She gruffly sat me in a chair, prepped the area thoroughly and, despite her insistence that “it wouldn’t hurt a bit”, she administered a very painful fake shot to my upper arm. I respectfully declined the next round, which turned out to be a big mistake. Without warning, she grabbed me by my shirtfront, pulled me nose-to-nose and said “I am the doctor and you need to get your shots or you go to jail.” Not wanting her for my warden, I allowed her to give me two or three or eighteen more shots after which she threw me in jail anyway for my initial insubordinance. But at least the teddy bear was there to keep me company.
So I think you can see my problem. With once niece’s rampant imagination and the other niece’s volcanic sassiness, it is impossible to think of anyone in this world that I love more. And as is human nature, I am required as an Auntie to spoil them within an inch of their lives in order to attain that elusive title of “Favorite Auntie.” Now, at this point I’m ahead by a small margin. And I’ll be darned if I loose that title by knowingly allowing a Miley Cyrus concert to happen in their lifetime, in their state of residence without giving it my best effort to snag a couple of seats for them. (And in truth, if it helps me get out of being sold to the baker man, I’d really appreciate it.)