Christina: The Definition of Deserve
One definition of the word deserve, as according to dictionary.com, is “to merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to because of actions, qualities, or situation.” Allow me to illustrate how I fit this definition intimately like Hannah Montana’s blond wig fits snuggly onto her boisterous little head.
Please excuse me while I “toot my own horn,” for how else does one prove ones own worth if not to point out the many admirable and commendable qualities one possesses. For starters, I am rather hilarious. I can tell jokes for hours that my leopard Gecko Jade will just laugh and laugh at. You might wonder how to tell when a Gecko is laughing. I’m pretty sure it’s when she hides under the rock because she is embarrassed of her smile. I’m so funny that when I do impressions for my baby brother he sucks on his toes and puts his fingers in his ears. I’m pretty sure he’s cleaning them out so he can hear me better because I am a regular Robin Williams if you know what I mean. I’m so funny that my husband falls asleep laughing at my clever satire. His laughing also sounds a lot like snoring. My humor is so good it tends to make him sleepy.
I have other prestigious qualities. I am also an excellent chef. I am so good at it that rather than humiliate my family members and guests with how inadequate their cooking skill are in comparison, I spare them this disgrace by refraining from making use of my exemplary skills. I instead serve them hearty, merciful servings of Mac and Cheese and Spaghetti-Os. That is why compassion is also one of my commendable qualities.
How else do I merit the Miley Cyrus Stadium of Fire tickets? Well, permit me to divulge for you some of my other meritorious qualifications. I have been known to excel in Yahtzee; at one point I got four, yes that is right, four yahtzees in one game of Yahtzee. Two of them were sixes.
Another praiseworthy merit I possess includes the intense and artistic discipline of recorder playing. I began mastering this diversely colored instrument at a young age. I began playing on a black recorder, worked my way up to cream and eventually after months of study was able to perform in front of an auditorium of people on a red recorder.
As you can see by this brief list of only a fraction of my numerous estimable qualifications, I have more than sufficient claim to the aforementioned prize. It is only my dearest wish that I could use this prize and this opportunity to effect and inspire others to strive not for mediocrity, but for a caliber of worthiness and stature that can only be realized by reaching for the kind of virtuous, commendable qualifications that I have so generously demonstrated in this essay. May the best woman and her gecko win.